Kids Can’t Figure Out How Mom Got To Be More Misogynistic Than Dad

FRESNO, CA — During a routine phone call between siblings Kyle and Carrie Cummings Tuesday evening, neither could figure out how the hell their mother Emma had gotten more misogynistic than their father Dennis — a man who by all measures has always been a raving male chauvinist all his life. “Dad has always had a condescending attitude towards women,” said Carrie, who has spent a lot of time and money on therapy to get to the bottom of her deep seated distrust of women, and by extension, herself. “But the other day, I was talking to mom, and she mentioned how Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was a great example of how women make bad leaders. And I was like, ‘But aren’t you a woman?’ I mean, what kind of self-hating bullshit is that?” Kyle agreed with his sister’s sentiment, recounting a similar conversation he had with their mother last week. “She said something about how I should be embarrassed that [wife] Tonya makes more money than I do. But at our wedding ten years ago, she also said she was proud of Tonya for being a lawyer. It makes me wonder just what in the hell has been going down at the Cummings’ house recently.” At the end of their conversation, both Kyle and Carrie made plans to try to avoid the elder Cummings as much as possible without getting written out of the will.