Owner's Manual Prepares Man For The Wild Ride Of Fan Ownership

 

HOT AS FUCK APARTMENT — The ten page manual that accompanied the purchase of a small fan thoroughly prepared new-fan owner Rocky McCann for the wild, adventurous ride that owning such a cooling device entails, sources confirmed Tuesday. "Thank god the fan came with a manual," said McCann as he proudly held the document above his head like a modern-day Moses on Mount Sinai. "I mean, I would have been totally fucking lost if I had to figure out all the different speeds and how to plug it in on my own. I owe the fine folks at Polar-Aire a huge debt of gratitude." Before turning out the lights for the night, his fan whizzing gloriously in the background of his darkened bedroom, McCann looked forward to sleeping soundly with the knowledge that the manual was also printed in six different languages, all but guaranteeing that folks from all over the world would be guided with ease through the twists and turns of fan maintenance — including what to do in case of fire, how to prevent electrical shock, and where to file the paperwork for the limited three-month warranty.